THIS TIMELY QUESTION FROM A MICHIGAN RESIDENT SHOWED UP ON TODAY'S DEAR ABBY:

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my in-laws. My brother-in-law will never invite his parents for Christmas, so my husband always insists we have a combined family Christmas with my parents so his parents are not left alone.

The problem is my in-laws have bad-mouthed my parents in the past, and they treat my parents as if they are "less than." They also don't treat me all that great.

I get into fights every year with my husband about this. This year I tried to compromise, saying I'd have the in-laws over for Christmas Eve, but my husband will not bend. He wants both families here, which means I will be uncomfortable all day. It is my Christmas, too. I know it's only one day, but why should I have to compromise and be unhappy for the rest of my life? Please help. -- DREADING CHRISTMAS IN HOWELL, MICH.

DEAR DREADING CHRISTMAS: You have to compromise because, when you married your wonderful husband, you blended your family with his -- obnoxious and pretentious as they may be. You compromise because marriage IS compromise. Keep the spirits bright by keeping the atmosphere as light as possible -- and your in-laws separate from your parents. And remember that the illusion of the "perfect family" is just that -- an illusion.

I've heard a number of stories like this lately, and I must admit that I'm a bit mystified by them. The honest truth is that my tolerance for such intra-family shennanigans is absolutely and positively zero. There will usually be one opportunity for a quick and reasonable compromise, and then that's it. Game over. We're not going anywhere or inviting anyone for the holidays. I can't stop folks from being jerks, but I certainly can limity my exposure to them.

I don't know if I'm missing the wiring in my brain that makes me care about this sort of thing (which is my wife's theory), but fighting through a conflict like this isn't worth the effort. Particularly because in this type of debate, at least one side (and often both of them) adopt a completely unreasonable and irrational position. Even if a cease-fire agreement can be reached, enough bad things have been said and felt that the peace is uneasy at best.